A new perspective...

July 25, 2012

It's been a while since I have made myself post on my joyful blog. But--I recently had an experience that needs to be recorded for myself so I remember...remembering is essential to growth.

Over the past year I have been applying for different things feeling like I need a change. I had a job interview with a company called Imagine Learning. I was denied. I applied for my doctorate through Utah State University (they are in the top 10% in the nation for their education program.). I was also denied. I also applied for the DODEA (the government teaching program for military bases) and wasn't sure where that went at all. I received no notification that I'd even filled out my application correctly. So--I'd been sitting here feeling stuck in 1st grade wondering what to do.

Then--to make it more exciting to my life--my Chinese partner (from my dual immersion program) decided to quit at the end of last year. She was offered a job that paid the same to go and teach English in China for Disney. I was told I would get to train the new Taiwan teacher and that I wouldn't get to switch grades like I wanted. Which is flattering that my principal trusts me to do it and no one else. Granted -- after all my rejection I'd been faced with lately--my poor self esteem was taking a hit.

So--I had settled that this would be my year. I've become okay with it. Then-I was blindsided over the weekend.

I had just spent Friday teaching my new students about routines and things and having an interesting day realizing we have our work cut out for us when I realized after I sent them home I had a phone message from an out of area number. As I listened to it, it was from a principal in Turkey who works for DODEA and she was wanting to interview me for a job ASAP. She had a spot she needed to fill before she went back to Turkey. I called her back planning to thank her for the invite (had it been Hawaii--I don't think they have a base school--I would have been all over it.) but telling her I wasn't interested. When I called her back--she addressed the scary things about Turkey quickly and sold me on the idea of how great it could be to be in Turkey teaching for DODEA. The base was Incerlick base outside of Adana--right across the Syrian border (kinda a scary idea.). As I did more research (she gave me the weekend to ponder it before she would let me accept an interview--she didn't want to waste time calling references if I wasn't serious), I discovered that it wasn't an awful setup.

First off, the government would pay to ship my whole life there--my car, my furniture, my teaching materials I have, just everything (sadly--I don't really have much--a jeep and a bed. Life would be high I tell ya!). I would probably receive some of a pay raise. They also would give me a housing expense if I chose to live off base of $20,000 a year (granted I couldn't pocket that money--what would not be used would be expected to go back to them.). They have specialists in all their extra curricular areas--pe, music, etc.--even a Turkish specialist to teach them about Turkey. She had one of her Kindergarten teachers call me to sell me on it too--he was full of great information as well. He told me when the lyra was up and the dollar was down, that the government would make up the difference. He said he loved it. During the summers and Christmas breaks--they would even pay for us to take a vacation home to visit our families yearly. The more they talked--the more appealing it became.

Turkey is home to many great biblical things as well as just historical things. It is smack dab in the middle of Europe and Asia (allowing for great travel). I'd be able to get out of debt because I'd make more money than I do here in America and not have to pay for my housing.

There were some negatives--but I won't go into those because you can do your homework on what was not great about Turkey. But--ideally--it has made itself on my list of places to go someday after this weekend.

So--why am I not going though?

Good question. As I was tossing the idea around all weekend...I couldn't make up my mind. Part of me thought--wow--what a way to get out and have fun. Just what you've been wanting. But part of me thought--will this put you on hold for your other dreams and things you have been working so hard to get to (the whole teaching college someday concept...). And the more I pondered--the more confused I became. I couldn't tell which was right or wrong--neither felt better. But--I had a ton of anxiety. If I took the Turkey interview and had the chance to go--I would be in the middle of my already started contract with Jordan School District. I would be penalized for leaving (which means I'd pay a fine) and I'd have to start the year anyway until they hired someone else to take my spot. My brain was having a hayday thinking of all I'd have to do to get things ready for a new teacher to take my spot and to move by August 20. It was overwhelming me.

Unfortunately--I spent too much time deciding that one of the other principals interviewees decided to do it and she never returned my phone call.

But--now that the whole thing is over--and I don't feel the pressure anymore--I'm able to reflect on the whole situation. And it was a great learning one because it made me put my life in perspective once again. I'm grateful for these moments that come that help me to realize what is most important in my life.

My cochair for my sports council in my singles ward gave me some great advice as I was deciding what to do. He told me this, "Pray. Then think about how it will better my current life situation? Then decide."

As I pondered this young boys advice--I realized--it was true. Going to Turkey would benefit me in the idea of a great adventure and a unique opportunity on my resume. But--honestly--I'm not unhappy here in Utah. I enjoy being close to my family (but yet far enough away to be away). I love the mountains. I love the winter. I love the school I am at and I love the people I work with. I just am getting bored is all--needing a small change. Turkey is a drastic change. More than I was bargaining for this year.

And after today--I've had a few wise friends who know the direction I want to go in my life give me advice. They said there are opportunities here for me to go the way I want to and they feel I am well on my way. It's all that matter of finding the best ways to build me up more with more classes and experiences to make me more marketable.

One thing I learned from this--I am marketable. If DODEA wanted me--I am a teacher full of great things--a boost back to my sad self-esteem.

I also learned that right now--what is important to me is getting to my point b in my career. I am close--I just need to stay focused on it and do a few things and I should be able to get there not too long.

I also learned the importance of the priesthood from all this and trusting what God has promised me. When I found out Susan was leaving me this year and I would be training a new Chinese teacher--my fears overpowered me that I wouldn't be able to do it again--train a new teacher. So, I had a blessing to calm me and in it, it was stated that if I am patient through this year, I will be blessed with happiness. That I would be able to work well with this Chinese teacher and be able to grow as a teacher this year. I didn't want to lose out on those promises.

SO--for now I am testing my faith. And seeing what else is in store for me. And I am trusting that even though Turkey was enticing and a fun option to my life--that I will have opportunities to do what I want. I am very excited right now about the potential I have in me. And that is what is important.

So--for now--no regrets--I would have them for either choice. But--I'm the one who choses if I have regrets or not...and for now--I choose not to have regrets. I chose to just press forward looking to what is ahead and not thinking about the what ifs. If we only focus on the what ifs--we miss what is truly important in life. And this weekend--I think I discovered that.

Be Prepared...

I realize I have been awful and not documented my summer goal of hiking every week--so be prepared for a mass blog upload of my hiking adventures. So far--up til this week--I have been on a good little hike every week. It should be fun to look back and see my adventures with my friends!