The Honest Truth

January 26, 2015

Here's the honest truth. I am a terrible listener.

Reason number one--I have the teacher listen down. I can have someone ramble on and on about things and nod along and hear key words and pretend that I know what they are talking about.

Reason number two--often times when I am listening--I cut people off and interrupt them because I thought of something important to say. And I am more important, right (just kidding--that's a terrible attitude!).

How many times do we find ourselves in this spot? Where we think we are being a good listener, but really--we aren't? We get so enthralled in hearing our own thinking (because honestly--let's face it--we learn when we express ourselves and say what we are thinking). And sometimes we just need to "shut up."

I've recently been attending coaching training and studying more about mentoring for my job. And one thing they stress a lot is the power of listening. Often times, we go in as coaches or mentors and we want to "fix" a person or we want to have them hear "how it should be." How much do we miss when we go in to talk with someone when we have our own agendas.

Can I share a sad, personal experience?

I was coaching a teacher. Immediately upon entering her classroom, I knew what needed to be changed and I knew how we were going to do it. The trick was to guide her to see my vision. MY vision.

Upon our first meeting, we talked and she kept bringing up a problem child in her class that she didn't know what to do with. I felt the problem was a bit more than this. I kept wanting to focus on the pieces that were missing because I felt that would help the problem child. But--she couldn't see my vision of where I was going. She kept talking about this student.

I didn't listen.

At the end of my coaching cycle, as we were finishing up and I was hoping I had helped guide her to the direction I felt she needed to go, she brought up this student still. I realized--I had failed. I hadn't heard her.

Had I heard her in the first place, maybe she would have listened better when I was coaching her. Because we would have taken care of the thing that was on her mind first. It would have been OUR vision.


Food for thought. How often do you listen? Really listen? Without interrupting? Without having thoughts pop into your head? Without trying to one up the person you are talking to or fix them? Without bringing them down?

Really think about it. It's something I'm working on--and I'm trying harder. I've been practicing listening exercises and trying to learn more about how I function as a listener. It's a hard thing to be a good listener. But--it can be worth it. You can have amazing lessons if you listen and learn a lot about other people.

Also, watch for those people who do truly listen--because you know you have a gem when you have found one!

Life: it's all about time...

2014 is coming to a close in a few hours...and my heart is full. I seem to have repeating lessons I learn every year--and this year came with some I would have rather not repeated. But--this year, one of the most valuable lessons I learned was this:

My time is what I make of it.

I have often times in life been the person who says: "I don't have time for that" or "This isn't fitting into my schedule." But--in 2014--I learned that as much as we like to disown our claim to having control over our time--essentially, we are the ones who decide that we don't have time.

Why is it that we say, "I don't have time?"

Is it because it isn't important? Is it because we are afraid? Is it because we don't know how to say no?

This year--I learned to face this question head on. What is worthy of my time?

We easily get sucked into responsibility, work, family--because those things are good and important to who we are. But--taking care of myself became a priority to me this year as well.

I decided it was time to invest in myself--to be a healthier Amy. I have put so many other things before my body in the past--and I have hated myself for it. This year--I decided to learn to exercise--and exercise smart. I decided to learn to eat healthy. I decided to learn about supplementation and how our bodies need vitamins and things our food doesn't have. I decided to give myself a chance this year.

Some people might say that it's wrong. Wrong to spend time taking care of myself. Wrong to discover I love new things like running and weight training. Wrong to cut out things from my diet that weren't helping me feel good. But maybe it is wrong that I had never taught myself to love me enough to do this before now. Maybe these lifestyle changes would have always been something that could balance in with my time.

If nothing else from 2014--that is one of my most prized possessions. I learned to give time to myself to take care of me. And that was a big task--because I'm one of the busiest people I know. The amazing part of it was I learned how to make things that are important my lifestyle, so it isn't even a matter about having time anymore, it's a matter of living. Living my life the way I want to, and becoming a better person.

"If I can find time..." we can all find time for whatever we feel is important in our lives. Time is all we have. And change is always there. Embrace it.

2015--I'm looking forward to having the time of my life this year. Because I'll make time for it.