A new perspective...

July 25, 2012

It's been a while since I have made myself post on my joyful blog. But--I recently had an experience that needs to be recorded for myself so I remember...remembering is essential to growth.

Over the past year I have been applying for different things feeling like I need a change. I had a job interview with a company called Imagine Learning. I was denied. I applied for my doctorate through Utah State University (they are in the top 10% in the nation for their education program.). I was also denied. I also applied for the DODEA (the government teaching program for military bases) and wasn't sure where that went at all. I received no notification that I'd even filled out my application correctly. So--I'd been sitting here feeling stuck in 1st grade wondering what to do.

Then--to make it more exciting to my life--my Chinese partner (from my dual immersion program) decided to quit at the end of last year. She was offered a job that paid the same to go and teach English in China for Disney. I was told I would get to train the new Taiwan teacher and that I wouldn't get to switch grades like I wanted. Which is flattering that my principal trusts me to do it and no one else. Granted -- after all my rejection I'd been faced with lately--my poor self esteem was taking a hit.

So--I had settled that this would be my year. I've become okay with it. Then-I was blindsided over the weekend.

I had just spent Friday teaching my new students about routines and things and having an interesting day realizing we have our work cut out for us when I realized after I sent them home I had a phone message from an out of area number. As I listened to it, it was from a principal in Turkey who works for DODEA and she was wanting to interview me for a job ASAP. She had a spot she needed to fill before she went back to Turkey. I called her back planning to thank her for the invite (had it been Hawaii--I don't think they have a base school--I would have been all over it.) but telling her I wasn't interested. When I called her back--she addressed the scary things about Turkey quickly and sold me on the idea of how great it could be to be in Turkey teaching for DODEA. The base was Incerlick base outside of Adana--right across the Syrian border (kinda a scary idea.). As I did more research (she gave me the weekend to ponder it before she would let me accept an interview--she didn't want to waste time calling references if I wasn't serious), I discovered that it wasn't an awful setup.

First off, the government would pay to ship my whole life there--my car, my furniture, my teaching materials I have, just everything (sadly--I don't really have much--a jeep and a bed. Life would be high I tell ya!). I would probably receive some of a pay raise. They also would give me a housing expense if I chose to live off base of $20,000 a year (granted I couldn't pocket that money--what would not be used would be expected to go back to them.). They have specialists in all their extra curricular areas--pe, music, etc.--even a Turkish specialist to teach them about Turkey. She had one of her Kindergarten teachers call me to sell me on it too--he was full of great information as well. He told me when the lyra was up and the dollar was down, that the government would make up the difference. He said he loved it. During the summers and Christmas breaks--they would even pay for us to take a vacation home to visit our families yearly. The more they talked--the more appealing it became.

Turkey is home to many great biblical things as well as just historical things. It is smack dab in the middle of Europe and Asia (allowing for great travel). I'd be able to get out of debt because I'd make more money than I do here in America and not have to pay for my housing.

There were some negatives--but I won't go into those because you can do your homework on what was not great about Turkey. But--ideally--it has made itself on my list of places to go someday after this weekend.

So--why am I not going though?

Good question. As I was tossing the idea around all weekend...I couldn't make up my mind. Part of me thought--wow--what a way to get out and have fun. Just what you've been wanting. But part of me thought--will this put you on hold for your other dreams and things you have been working so hard to get to (the whole teaching college someday concept...). And the more I pondered--the more confused I became. I couldn't tell which was right or wrong--neither felt better. But--I had a ton of anxiety. If I took the Turkey interview and had the chance to go--I would be in the middle of my already started contract with Jordan School District. I would be penalized for leaving (which means I'd pay a fine) and I'd have to start the year anyway until they hired someone else to take my spot. My brain was having a hayday thinking of all I'd have to do to get things ready for a new teacher to take my spot and to move by August 20. It was overwhelming me.

Unfortunately--I spent too much time deciding that one of the other principals interviewees decided to do it and she never returned my phone call.

But--now that the whole thing is over--and I don't feel the pressure anymore--I'm able to reflect on the whole situation. And it was a great learning one because it made me put my life in perspective once again. I'm grateful for these moments that come that help me to realize what is most important in my life.

My cochair for my sports council in my singles ward gave me some great advice as I was deciding what to do. He told me this, "Pray. Then think about how it will better my current life situation? Then decide."

As I pondered this young boys advice--I realized--it was true. Going to Turkey would benefit me in the idea of a great adventure and a unique opportunity on my resume. But--honestly--I'm not unhappy here in Utah. I enjoy being close to my family (but yet far enough away to be away). I love the mountains. I love the winter. I love the school I am at and I love the people I work with. I just am getting bored is all--needing a small change. Turkey is a drastic change. More than I was bargaining for this year.

And after today--I've had a few wise friends who know the direction I want to go in my life give me advice. They said there are opportunities here for me to go the way I want to and they feel I am well on my way. It's all that matter of finding the best ways to build me up more with more classes and experiences to make me more marketable.

One thing I learned from this--I am marketable. If DODEA wanted me--I am a teacher full of great things--a boost back to my sad self-esteem.

I also learned that right now--what is important to me is getting to my point b in my career. I am close--I just need to stay focused on it and do a few things and I should be able to get there not too long.

I also learned the importance of the priesthood from all this and trusting what God has promised me. When I found out Susan was leaving me this year and I would be training a new Chinese teacher--my fears overpowered me that I wouldn't be able to do it again--train a new teacher. So, I had a blessing to calm me and in it, it was stated that if I am patient through this year, I will be blessed with happiness. That I would be able to work well with this Chinese teacher and be able to grow as a teacher this year. I didn't want to lose out on those promises.

SO--for now I am testing my faith. And seeing what else is in store for me. And I am trusting that even though Turkey was enticing and a fun option to my life--that I will have opportunities to do what I want. I am very excited right now about the potential I have in me. And that is what is important.

So--for now--no regrets--I would have them for either choice. But--I'm the one who choses if I have regrets or not...and for now--I choose not to have regrets. I chose to just press forward looking to what is ahead and not thinking about the what ifs. If we only focus on the what ifs--we miss what is truly important in life. And this weekend--I think I discovered that.

Be Prepared...

I realize I have been awful and not documented my summer goal of hiking every week--so be prepared for a mass blog upload of my hiking adventures. So far--up til this week--I have been on a good little hike every week. It should be fun to look back and see my adventures with my friends!

Feeling a little Lost

June 8, 2012

So today I'm realizing I haven't written on here for  awhile. I guess it's because I've been a little lost. For those who know me well--know I have been trying to figure out my "career" path in life over the past little while. I was applying for my doctorate, the DODEA, and I had applied for a job with Imagine Learning.

Well--as of now--none of those doors were opened to me. It makes me wonder what I am supposed to be doing. I have come to realize that yes, it is like my father has always told me--I need to learn to be happy in whatever situation I am in. And I think I'm working on that.

I really don't know what direction I am supposed to be going in right now or what I should be doing with my life. But--I don know that I feel happy and fulfilled as I do things for others around me. Hopefully this is something I am supposed to be learning--because I feel good doing it.

So--for now--I am just being me and trying to find that purpose some more--but happily.

And--getting out and having fun. I have a few firsts coming up soon--so maybe if I get a chance--I'll post them here :)

A Lesson in Faith

April 13, 2012

So--last week I found out that Utah State decided I was not going to be doing their doctorate program this year. At first I felt like my dream was ripped away, but I have realize it isn't necessarily over yet, I can apply later. I just might have some more things I need to go through before I can go this direction. It has caused me to be in a ponder mode. I think my faith and my trust in God's plan for me have been tested to an extreme this week. But--I am also lucky to have great family and friends that have helped me see the perspective.

Recently--I've been praying for the ability to see God's hand around me. Today I had an experience that made me realize that I do see it every day in my job. Today, a little boy in my class helped me see this. We went to the library today, and his library book has been missing for a few months. The librarian kindly reminds us every week that it is still out, and I had informed his mom. We haven't been able to find it. So today, when he went through, the librarian mentioned it again and I told the student that he needed to look again and that we needed to take care of it. As he walked to the carpet to sit down, he looked at me and said he was going to go home and pray to see if it would show up. I thought to myself "Oh no, don't have him lose his faith over a library book!" As I was sitting there grading my spelling tests, I had this sudden thought to check the shelf in the library. I asked the librarian where the book should be on the shelf, and I went over to the shelf. It was there. I was amazed that the faith of a child could be so powerful to have his teacher be able to hear the promptings of the spirit to help him.

Good lesson in this--God hears all of our prayers and we should have faith in Him. I need to remember that. I need to trust that He will hear my prayers. And that He will guide me to whatever it is I am supposed to be doing right now. I just hope as I find out whatever it is, I can learn and grow.

I am grateful for the learning experiences I receive from these precious children. How lucky I am!

Bucket List Worthy

So--this wasn't really something on my bucket list. But--I think it should have been...and I don't mean it to sound braggy or anything either. But the other day I did a good deed for someone...because I just felt like I needed to. And God blessed me for listening to the prompting I had. I made a new friend a few weeks ago--his name is Lucas Kirby. He just recently moved to Spokane...and after I did the good thing I did for him, he returned the favor. Lucas is a musician. He plays such beautiful music. After I gave him the things I gave him, he improved 3 songs for me...just for me--from the way he felt from what I did.

How cool is that--to have someone create music that you inspired out of them? For some reason--I feel his gift back to me is more inspiring for me than the gift I gave to him. When I asked him what the name of his songs were, he said they didn't really have names because they were improved, so he said he guesses he'd call them Amy 1, Amy 2, and Amy 3. Now I feel like I need to live to be worthy of the beautiful music he wrote for me.

Because I am now a fan of Lucas' music--I had to share some of what he has written. I found more of his stuff on YouTube. He's pretty good...you should search him out!

So--bucket list item--have someone write music inspired by you. Check!

Lucas Kirby's Clarity

Thoughts of 30

Today is my last day in my 20's. I'm not going to lie. 29 was a very very hard year. I went through a lot of things that hurt and probably made me stronger. It's a year I think I am so thankful to move off of. But--it's probably a year I should be grateful for as well.

I think I learned that I can do anything I want to this year. I had many adventures and did many new things that I know my parents even question. I've heard my dad say many times that I must not be his daughter. I've met some amazing people too. I also have had opportunities to grow and become so much more.

But mostly--I've learned that I need to look for the joy in life. Amazingly--there are so many things that bring it. I think meeting new people, establishing new relationships in life with people, learning more about who I am, watching others find joy in their lives and families--these all bring joy. Sadly--I don't have more family than my parents and sisters--but I've had such opportunity to joy in their happenings and be proud of them for the things that they have done. I have some amazing sisters. And they are such examples to me of strength and obedience. I am lucky to have them. And my parents are absolutely amazing. They are my rocks. Through everything I have been through--my dad is there to listen to me--through tears and laughter--at evening or even 1 am. I am so grateful for amazing parents. Just like Nephi--I've been born of goodly parents.

Looking forward to the future though--I am seeing a lot of reasons to have hope. I have so much to offer the world. Never in my wildest dreams as a child would I have imagined myself where I am today. I always figured I'd get married, have a family, etc. But--I'm grateful I've had this chance to be where I am and go through what I have gone through. I never would have imagined that I could amount to so much. I know that I didn't do this alone--I had a lot of help and guidance from a loving Heavenly Father who has put things in my life that I know have put me where I am. I can't really say all of what I'm deciding right now--because I need to finalize it and figure it out more. But--I can say this much. I am better than I was before. And grateful.

SO--30 scares me some--it is a big number. But--the opportunities that lay ahead and the chances I have to grow are exciting. And I pray that the Lord and I see eye to eye on our timing and that I can make the most of me to best serve Him in the world. I don't know all what I'm going to amount to here--but I know this much. I have potential to be a goddess. And I have potential to do amazing things. I just have to keep believing and have faith.

So even though 30 frightens me a little, I think it is going to be a year of extreme growth. If you have been a follower--get prepared...because I think I've got some things in my future this year that will surprise many of us :)

Here's to 30. As from one of my favorite movies--

So--goals for the new year--be 30, flirty and thriving! Here's to 30!

Ribs and Ice Cream?

I'm blogging tonight because I have got to get some thoughts out. For those who follow--Matt and I decided not to date anymore this past week. And I've been okay with it. He's a good friend and I'll probably always look to him as such. But--after the many times I've been "dumped" this year--I couldn't help but think of this clip:

I know it is silly to think these things--but how true is it? I mean--a guy can tell you how great you are as he is telling you he just doesn't see it going any farther--and that you are going to make a great wife to someone someday. But really?

Anyway--I am grateful for the chance I had to date Matt. I learned a bit from him--about what I want and what I need in a relationship. He was also very motivating for me as to my career and job. I think he reminded me of why I do what I do.

But--in a nutshell--change is always good to. I think I need time to refocus on me again--I find with each break up I have--I go through this whole "who am I?" phase. But--this time--I feel like I know me. But--I still feel like I need to work on me.

I have recently decided to work on my doctorate. This is going to be a challenge for me--I need to figure out financing and if I can even get into the program. I figure I'll take it one step at a time. But--I know that it is something I need to do--I can't just sit and wait for life to happen to me. This is the motto of my life--a lesson I learned from Elder Bednar in college.

So--for now--we'll cross our fingers that I can figure it all out.

Also--other good news--maybe. I have been invited to be on the Utah National Board Coalition Board. Whether or not this is a good thing--I don't know. But I'm excited for an opportunity to do something more to try to help teachers in Utah.

So--here's to change! Hopefully I can survive it all!